I Grew Up...

I grew up dreaming of love.  Dreaming of finding the kind of love that would be everlasting and all inspiring is what I’ve always craved. I wrote of it in poems and stories, I read about it in the many books I’ve read.  I’ve prayed for it to come and yet I am still alone.

                        I grew up dreaming of being courageous. Being brave enough to be me no matter who was around, brave enough to say and do as I thought right instead of worrying what others would think. I’ve prayed for the courage and yet I still have moments where I feel the fear.

                        I grew up wishing to be beautiful.  Wishing I had the physical appearance that called to so many.  I’ve wanted to be pleasing to the eyes. I’ve tried so many times to look the way others want me to look and yet my looks call to no one, my appearance simply adipose and bland.

                        I grew up being everything except me, yet I was never anyone spectacular to the outside world.  I’ve always done almost everything I could to please everyone and yet still there is nothing particular that makes me stand out to anyone. Sometimes I think that no matter how hard I try I’ll never be special to anyone (except some of my family, of course).

                        I know I’m in a mood and I know its not a good one.  I know that there are some good things about (at least I’ve been told) and I need to try to remember that but sometimes the mood just strikes where I don’t feel the positive side of life and they silver lining of things turns a dingy dirty color.

                        What I need to do tonight and continue to do is remember that I can’t be anything more than myself no matter how hard I try.  For each trial at pleasing others simply makes me more of a fake and that is something I should never be. So I am going to try to keep myself remembering these quotes for the days to come, especially the days that are so very hard for me.

“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“Don't ignore the love you DO have in your life by focusing on the love you DON'T.”

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

― Ambrose Redmoon

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.” Written to Mia from her dad in the Princess Diaries.

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.        ~Kahlil Gibran

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye.       ~Grey Livingston

Beauty - in projection and perceiving - is 99.9% attitude.    ~Grey Livingston