Valentine's Day

Red, white, pink and lacy surround us.  Hearts line the store shelves.  We just finished Christmas and now Valentine's Day is just over a month away.

For the decades I've already lived this time of year normally makes me feel bad.  For 30 something years it was because I had no one to be my own Valentines.  Then I found it.  I was in an amazing loving relationship from 2008 to 2012 and I was in heaven.  Then my love had to leave the life we had shared and loved. So again I was alone.

2013 Valentine's Day I had what so many people would consider my first real Valentine's Day.  I can tell you now it is one I would have probably had a better time if I had stayed home with my doggies.  The guy had promised me dinner and a movie, I know not extremely romantic since we were meeting at the mall but it was more than I've ever had before on Valentine's Day.  Well he showed up well over an hour late and ended up skipping out on taking me to dinner (I had not eaten since we were supposed to go to dinner). 

Together we walked down the mall to the theater and he kept trying grab my hand, no so gently either.  I explained to him that I wanted to know him better before we displayed a relationship to the world (with my job I never know who I will run into or where).  We got to the theater about 30 minutes early and sat at a small table talking, I'll admit not too bad.  Well we go into the movie, with no offer of popcorn or drink (remember I've not eaten since lunch at work) and watch the movie.  He tries to get close and all cuddly, trying to wrap himself around me and I kept moving further and further away.

Now don't get me wrong he seemed like a nice guy but I just felt there was something not connecting.  After the movie he ran into a friend and his girlfriend and they talked, he didn't even introduce me.  Then as he almost ran back to his car and I kept just a few steps behind he berated me for not being more affectionate at the theater and lectured me on dating when I wasn't ready. 

You know what I agreed with him.  It had only been a little over 2 months since my heart had left me and I didn't give myself time to heal.  I didn't realize how much it still felt wrong being with someone that wasn't the one I had given my heart to.

This year is different though.  Yes I still miss the love that I had but I also know that I am worth moving on and falling in love again.  I don't know if I shall find him this year or if it shall take me longer but I do know that now I am strong enough to look again.