Yep, I'm still fat. Not as fat as I once was but not as modelesque (is that even a word, who knows and who cares) as I would like to be. I'm still single and still have my masochistic thoughts within my lonely heart.
I get it, really, I do. Men don't want to think long term with someone like me. I'm over that really.
I don't give up though, I'm still looking for love and it seems to be I'm looking in all the wrong places. I'll be honest I have a type I like to look at and look for but I'm not going to be rude to a man just because he doesn't look like some romance novel cover model. If the man looks well groomed, has a smile (who wants a grumpy gus all the time), and can have a decent conversation I'm willing to get to know him.
My problem is meeting them, I am a bit introverted. I don't go out on the town and don't have a ton of friends who like to party... or do I really want to. I like live music but don't want to go alone, I enjoy movies but it is hard to get to know someone when you are constantly being "shushed". I like the simple things in life and don't want to put on a show to attract someone.
I go online and have an honest profile. I occasionally get some views and even some likes. The issue starts there. When it comes to the responses I get they either can't have a decent conversation, don't seem to have a brain in their head or just want to get laid. I am not here to be a sex toy for anyone and honestly if a man can't win my heart why in the hell should I give him my body?
I'm old fashioned and that is always a major problem for me. I love cuddling, being held and even kissing but have never found someone I felt I could/should do more with. I've had it offered many times, hell even this morning I had a good looking guy (or so his numerous pictures showed) tell me he was attracted to me and then that it would only take a single date for him to get into my heart and head enough for me to invite him into my bed.
I'm used to it. I explain to each guy who gives me that kind of invitation what I'm looking for and for a few messages they seem to get it then I get another message a short time later telling me that "you make me horny". It makes me want to give up altogether. I shall remain as I am and simply never find love outside of the romance books I read. Now don't get me wrong I know life doesn't go like a story from a romance book but can't I find a decent guy who doesn't want to get laid before he really gets to know me.
I've very tempted to change my dating site profiles to add in.
Seeking good guy, real gentleman, who can go without sex until you win my heart and mind over. A man who takes care of himself and will support me in my taking care of myself. A man who has a submissive side on occasion but will also be a take control kinda guy when needed. I want a man who is truly a man and can take care of himself, not someone who has to be taken care of. If you don't have a decent job, don't message me. If you don't have a car/truck/motorcycle don't message me. If you don't live outside of your parents home (except for extreme extenuating circumstances) don't message me.
What I am is a single lady who is tired of trying to please everyone around her. I want someone who can please me. I am a full time teacher (which means more than a 9-5 job only on the weekdays), an avid reader and I dream of being a published author. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt and my family means the world to me. I am a beta reader for my uncle and a published author. I am a friend to people here and even more around the world through the wonders of the internet.
I am selfish because I want it all. I want chemistry. I want love. I want a best friend for life. I want it all. If you can't offer me a chance for everything why should I give you even a little bit? If you can't win my heart and mind over there is no way in hell you are willingly getting my body.
Wonder how that would be received on any of those dating sites out there. Is any man out there ready for some real honesty or does he need his ego stroked as much as he wants other parts of himself stroked. Guess I will never know.
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