I always thought spending time with new friends and acquaintances was a good way to start the new year. New friends from this year, a few drinks (and no I didn't go overboard, instead I drank over a liter of water/crystal light while there) and some snacks of cheeseballs and mozarella sticks. Watching a "Rocking New Years Eve with Ryan Seacrest" on the TV and talking. All this sounds like a great recipe for a happy new year ... so why do I feel so blah? Why do I wish I had stayed home instead?
Oh yeah it is because I don't fit... I don't fit with the people the night began with. I'm not talking about physically fit. I'm talking about emotionally. I'm a good girl some would say others would simply call me a goodie two shoes and you know they can call me that. I'm proud of who I am and how I've gotten through life independently.
I have never done drugs and don't plan to. Yet they talked of doing lines of coke and pot as though it was nothing. Have I wondered about the supposed calming effects of pot, sure I have especially after a rough day at school. Would I do it illegally? Never. That goodie two-shoes is at it again within me.
I can't down bottle after bottle after bottle of anything and don't ever hope I can. I had myself a shot of Fireball and 3 Apple Vegas Bomb shots between 9 pm and 1 am and that was more than enough for me but they drank and drank and drank and continued drinking. I don't know how they can do it, those few had me feeling it and yet I still felt in control so I knew when to stop.
I have never been physically intimate with someone because I've never had some I could physically give my heart to. All night long I head tales of blow jobs, Amsterdam whores, fetishes, glory holes, orgies, and so much more. Now I'm not a prude, I read about that stuff but I also believe that type of conversation shouldn't be in mixed company especially if you barely know them, hell or even just met them. I know in my head I can be a bit of a freak and I know a hell of a lot more than many would give me credit for, I've read it, dreamed it and written it but even sitting around their conversation last night left me feeling dirty. They were uncouth with their speech, the guys were disrespectful in their speech about women and the women were disrespectful in their speech about men and I sat there saying nothing.
I did have two saving graces that showed about 11 by the names of Tim & Kristin. I know they didn't want to come and now I understand why. I talked with one or the other through the night before they finally appeared on the doorstep, through FB private messaging and a few on page posts. I didn't think they were going to show and wouldn't blame them if they hadn't, yet I am so grateful they did. I was able to back away from the conversations that made me uncomfortable and could talk to Kristin or Tim about whatever and it was clean and light.
The night continued with my ride and all the other early comers drinking and finishing bottle after bottle; liquor, beer and at least 3 bottles of champagne. Luckily now though I wasn't the only one not set on getting drunk so it wasn't so bad. 1 am hits and I am past ready to go home, even though it was raining I had my jacket and was tempted to walk especially after the way my driver was drinking. kristin offered a ride with her and Tim. I was so glad and thank them completely.
At the moment I really just want to cry and forget about it but of course in my rush to leave with my saving graces I left my jacket and the home owner isn't answering.
I pray my year doesn't continue as it started.
No comments:
Post a Comment