Growing Up Fat

    I'm fat.  That's been established already.  Don't think telling me that is going to hurt my feelings anymore.  All but the first few years of my life I've been larger than my peers.  Which, of course, means I've been made fun of all my life by everyone around.  I even grew up with the misfortune of a dad and younger brother who entertained themselves by putting me down.   I used to let them see the pain they caused me and was ridiculed with "crybaby" afterwards, so I stopped.  I became hard, never showed my feelings.
   I read constantly as an escape.  From the everyday books of childhood to the books of a grown woman, from my Memaw's bookshelf.  It didn't matter to me because I wasn't having to deal with life.
    My fays became so ordinary; wake up, get dressed, go to school, come home, do homeowrk, talk to my very few friends on the phone or go outside to play, maybe a bit of tv and lots of reading before bed each evening.  I soon was one of those kids who's punishment for misbehavior was to send me to my room without a book.  There was little TV I watched and music at the time often put me to sleep but reading, oh, reading has always been my life line.
    Unfortunately, for me, with reading comes snacking and lack of attention so even more weight was put on.  It never really was what I ate it was how much of each thing I ate that caused the weight gain.
    Junior year of high school I finally made the Color Guard (Flag Corps) of the marching band and stayed a steady weight.  Now I still had many more pounds to me than the other girls but I didn't let it stop me and we worked hard together for our team.  That is, until my world fell apart.